Daily Masks: Self Image
“People may call what happens at midlife a ‘crisis,’ but it’s not. It’s an unraveling—a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you wanted to live, not the one you are ‘supposed’ to live… to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and embrace who you really are.” — Brené Brown
When I was little, I had knee problems from a rock climbing “accident” at twelve years old. I use that word loosely—it wasn’t as dramatic as it sounds. My knee went into the rock instead of my foot while rappelling down a straight face. Ten surgeries later, I have a metal knee and my dream of becoming my own version of Alex Honnold was permanently crushed.
Okay, I never wanted to free solo El Capitan, but the loss of a dream—any dream—can be crushing. What happens when your identity or self-image is tied to that dream? It leaves you feeling lost, questioning, and confused.
But if your self-image is grounded in your core values, the loss of a dream can shake you without breaking you. It may change what you do, but not who you are.
When Life Forces You to Rebuild
I’m often asked why people choose to change their behaviors, relationships, or entire lives. What brings them to that point? What makes someone willingly walk through pain for the sake of healing?
The answer is different for everyone, but it often comes down to this: the fear of staying stuck becomes greater than the fear of change.
One day you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see. One day you wake up and wonder how you got here—not what you wanted, not what you dreamed, definitely not what you expected. So now what?
Now you rebuild. You create the version of you that feels real and whole. No more expectations, no more people-pleasing, no more “shoulds.” Just what helps you thrive at the core.
How Do You Rebuild Your Self-Image?
One step at a time.
The first step is figuring out your values—we did that last week.
The next step is accepting the good, bad, and ugly of who you are.
That means learning to be with yourself, without the noise of comparison. I often recommend taking a social media break, even for a month, to focus on your own thoughts without distraction. Being alone with yourself can be uncomfortable—but it’s one of the most powerful ways to reconnect with who you really are.
Practical Steps Toward the Real You
Rebuilding your self-image means practicing new ways of showing up for yourself:
Learning how to say no without guilt.
Prioritizing self-care instead of caretaking everyone else.
Paying attention to how you talk to yourself—and shifting harsh self-talk when it shows up.
Recognizing your strengths and embracing your imperfections with grace.
Staying mindful of what you need right now, not what you “should” need later.
When the Plan Changes
At 25, my life looked perfectly planned. Married: check. House: check. Master’s degree and job: check, check. Did I know who I was? Absolutely not.
I thought I did—but reality had other plans. Life unraveled, and I was left with a choice: keep picking up the glittery mask that looked polished and happy to the outside world, or choose the blank one that lets my true self shine through.
Some days I lose that battle (more than I’d like to admit). But as long as I pick the blank mask the next day, I call it a win.
The Hard Truth About Self-Image
Even when we know our values and acknowledge our flaws, pretending can still feel easier than being real. Sometimes the version of who we wish we were feels safer than embracing who we actually are.
But authenticity doesn’t happen in a single moment—it’s a practice. A daily choice to show up as yourself, even when it’s messy, imperfect, and uncomfortable.
And that’s exactly what next month’s series—Let’s Play Pretend—will explore.
Always remember to take care of you. You are worth it.
If perfectionism makes it hard to see your worth clearly, my free Perfectionism Workbook can help you challenge those beliefs and embrace your real, unfiltered self.
If you’re ready to dig deeper into your story and start showing up as your most authentic self, therapy can help.
I offer online therapy for helping professionals, busy professionals, and therapists who are ready to reconnect with their worth and live with greater balance and clarity.
Learn more about online therapy with Melissa Russiano or schedule a free consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
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