Let’s Play Pretend: Imposter Syndrome
“I have written 11 books but each time I think, ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” — Maya Angelou
“The exaggerated esteem in which my life’s work is held makes me feel very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” — Albert Einstein
If Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein felt like imposters, what hope do we have in embracing our worth and feeling like we’re living our authentic selves?
Actually—a lot.
You can look at it two ways: you’re in good company, or you can use it as proof that your self-doubt is right. The truth is, an estimated 70% of people will experience imposter syndrome at least once in their lives.
What Exactly Is Imposter Syndrome?
Dictionary.com defines it as:
“The persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.”
Persistent inability to believe.
What do you believe in? Truly believe in at your core? Success? Happily ever after? Probably not. Most of those fairytales fade with time—though I still believe in a little magic (and maybe even Santa).
When my daughter was little, I tried to make every experience magical for her as a single mom. Themed birthday parties, hand-written notes from the Tooth Fairy, glitter coins—if it could sparkle, I was on it. I coordinated my schedule in impossible ways to be there for every milestone, often at my own expense.
Always going the extra mile. Always striving for “Mother of the Year.”
Which, spoiler alert, I absolutely was not. My days were spent worrying if I was enough, if I was damaging her more than I was helping her. Sleepless nights, constant self-doubt, and fear that someone might realize my shiny, “together” exterior was covering a hot mess underneath.
The Universal Fear of Being Found Out
If you’re thinking, welcome to being a mom, you’re right.
As a teenager, I used to watch the show thirtysomething and think that by the time I hit thirty, I’d have life figured out. Now, several decades later, I’m still waiting to feel like a “real” grown-up.
My day job is spent partnering with high-achieving individuals to help them live authentically and thrive. My evenings were often spent wondering if my clients would figure out that I didn’t always have my own life figured out—that I sometimes struggled to follow the same advice I offered them.
Fraud? Absolutely.
Hypocrite? Card-carrying president of that club.
Fearful? Every day that someone might see through the façade.
The Beautiful Truth About Being Human
Fast forward many years, and that little eight-year-old girl is now twenty-one, living on her own and figuring out her own story. Do I still feel like a fraud sometimes? Of course I do.
But I’ve also realized something important: the people who matter most already know who I am at my core. They accept the flawed, fabulous, human me. They see that even when I “rock” my career (humor intended), I’m still human.
Being human allows us to be both.
To be amazing in one area and struggling in another.
To give advice we don’t always take.
To learn from others as much as we teach them.
The Myth of “Having It All Together”
I’m still waiting on my “Mother of the Year” award—and parenting an adult child comes with more challenges than I ever imagined. But here’s the key: whether I succeed or fail, it doesn’t change my worth, my value, or my ability to help others in their time of struggle.
Imposter syndrome has become a trendy term, but beneath the buzzword is a deep truth: even the strongest, most capable people question themselves.
Helping professionals, high achievers, and perfectionists—yes, even us—are allowed to be human too.
The trick isn’t to eliminate fear or self-doubt. It’s to admit—with confidence—that it’s okay to be scared most days. And still be a rock star at what you do.
“Ah, the impostor syndrome! The beauty of it is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of ‘I’m a fraud! Oh god, they’re on to me!’ So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud. Seriously, I’ve realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.” — Tina Fey
Always remember to take care of you. You are worth it.
If you struggle with self-doubt, my free Perfectionism Workbook can help you identify triggers, challenge your inner critic, and practice self-compassion daily.
If you’re ready to dig deeper into your story and start showing up as your most authentic self, therapy can help.
I offer online therapy for helping professionals, busy professionals, and therapists who are ready to reconnect with their worth and live with greater balance and clarity.
Learn more about online therapy with Melissa Russiano or schedule a free consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
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