How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

Understanding Your Inner Critic

When was the last time you heard from your inner critic? That voice that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough? The one that compares you to others and points out your flaws?

You might think it’s harmless — maybe even motivational — but it’s actually one of the biggest barriers to emotional well-being. Left unchecked, it can erode confidence, fuel anxiety, and hold you back from living the life you truly want.

Step 1 – Give It Attention

To silence your inner critic, you first have to recognize it. Most of our thoughts happen automatically, slipping by unnoticed. Start paying attention to your thoughts — especially when you feel guilt, shame, doubt, or worthlessness. These emotions are signs your inner critic is at work.

By shining a light on this voice, you take the first step toward controlling it instead of letting it control you.

Step 2 – Separate Yourself from the Critic

Your inner critic isn’t you. Think of it like a parasite that’s latched on over time, whispering lies about who you are. You can reclaim your identity by naming your critic — something silly or memorable like “Todd” or “Miss Annoying Loudmouth.”

Naming it helps you recognize when it’s talking versus when you are speaking your truth. This separation is key to self-awareness and healing.

Step 3 – Talk Back

Your inner critic loses power when you refuse to let it dominate your thoughts. When you catch it speaking up, challenge it. Tell it to be quiet, remind it that you see through its lies, and reaffirm your commitment to kindness toward yourself.

Self-compassion to an inner critic is like garlic to a vampire — it cannot survive in its presence.

Step 4 – Create a New Inner Voice

Replacing negativity with encouragement is how you build long-term resilience. Start noticing your positive qualities and accomplishments, no matter how small. Over time, you’ll train your brain to focus on self-acceptance instead of self-criticism.

This new voice becomes your inner ally — one that reminds you of your worth and supports you through challenges.

When to Seek Help

Some people’s inner critic is louder and more persistent than others. If silencing yours feels overwhelming, consider working with a therapist. Therapy provides a compassionate space to explore where your critical thoughts come from and how to replace them with healthier beliefs.

You don’t have to face your inner critic alone. A therapist can help you see yourself through a lens of truth and compassion — and guide you toward the freedom of genuine self-acceptance.

Grab the free Perfectionism Workbook, which helps you untangle your self-worth from your to-do list and finally breathe again.

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