Let’s Play Pretend: Compassion Fatigue
“The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet.” — Rachel Naomi Remen
Perhaps a dated quote, but one that I could not state more clearly or more intentionally. Let’s start with how the American Institute of Stress defines the terms we’ll be exploring:
Compassion Fatigue
Also called vicarious traumatization or secondary traumatization, compassion fatigue is the emotional residue or strain from working with those suffering from trauma. It differs from burnout but can co-exist—and can occur after a single case or from cumulative exposure.
Burnout
A cumulative process marked by emotional exhaustion and withdrawal associated with increased workload and institutional stress—not trauma-related.
Primary Traumatic Stress
Stress that results directly from witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event.
As we discussed last week, compassion fatigue is different from burnout for one critical reason: the presence—or absence—of trauma.
The Emotional Toll of Helping
Helping professionals deal with trauma in one form or another every day. Sometimes every hour. Feeling crispy, as I like to say, takes on a deeper meaning when it’s tied to witnessing pain. The symptoms may look the same, but the emotional impact runs deeper.
Those of us in helping roles often share a common trait: we put others’ needs first. We see pain and know we have the tools to help heal it. We give empathy, energy, and heart.
But who heals us?
A therapist once told me, “I have no clue how to follow my own advice.”
An adoption worker admitted, “Self-care is last on my list.”
An emergency room physician confessed, “I stayed up all night trying to solve the impossible.”
A pastor shared, “I live in fear that my truth will be discovered.”
And me? I find myself watching Caribbean Life and dreaming of a beach in Fiji where everyone seems effortlessly happy.
Healing Compassion Fatigue
If burnout is healed through self-care, balance, and boundaries—how do we heal compassion fatigue when it stems from absorbing others’ pain?
It’s possible.
How can I say that with certainty? Because I have to believe it.
We can see the world’s pain and still notice its beauty.
We can wade into the muck of others’ struggles without taking it home.
We can offer empathy instead of sympathy.
We can partner and empower—not fix.
Easier said than done, but still absolutely possible.
The Healing Power of Boundaries and Authenticity
I recently spoke with my graduate students about the therapeutic use of self—how to balance who we are as humans with who we are as healers. How to share enough of ourselves through empathy and authenticity while maintaining healthy professional boundaries.
It’s a delicate balance, but it’s essential.
Too often our identities become what we do instead of who we are. When we focus on who we truly are, we begin to thrive instead of just exist. We can show up authentically for others while staying grounded in our own truth.
The Truth About Compassion Fatigue
Compassion fatigue is real. And if most of us were honest, we’d admit we’ve been there at some point in our careers—especially in a world that often feels heavy and unpredictable.
There’s no shame in being tired. There’s only courage in acknowledging it.
Next week, we’ll wrap up this mini-series with practical strategies to manage burnout, compassion fatigue, and imposter syndrome—so you can live authentically instead of performing strength.
Being known for who you uniquely are at the core is a freeing experience. It takes bravery and vulnerability—but it can be achieved.
Always remember to take care of you. You are worth it.
If you’ve been feeling drained by caring for others, my free Perfectionism Workbook offers tools to reset expectations and refocus on self-compassion.
If you’re ready to dig deeper into your story and start showing up as your most authentic self, therapy can help.
I offer online therapy for helping professionals, busy professionals, and therapists who are ready to reconnect with their worth and live with greater balance and clarity.
Learn more about online therapy with Melissa Russiano or schedule a free consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
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